Shanghai & Sh*t pt 3

hello :-)
nice to see everyone's back here to come and read about my travel struggle extraordinaire.
where was i? oh yea... i was all like:

after i was told i could be homeless in china and then, deported if the police caught me with my expired visa. it was a dream vacation from the 7th level of hell and i was really tore up about the idea of going back home early with police escorts and a prison issued orange jumpsuit (orange is not my color). so, i reached out to the only person who could help me: the manager of the hostel. after i cried on that lady for a good 5 minutes she promised to see what she could do to help me. i was left sitting at the table with red eyes and a runny nose that drew a lot of attention to me. i didn't care- ya'll will deal! i don't care that your sunny side up eggs and toast are getting cold because you rather watch me grovel instead of eat.

not wanting to sit there and be the breakfast show entertainment, i went back upstairs and showered. david and guillermo wanted to go check out some dumpling spots in shanghai and i wanted to get the hell away from the hostel so we got dressed and went downtown. all was going well until i felt my phone to ring. it was the hostel. i sighed and answered, "hello?" the manager said "hello, we need you to come back here, the police are here, they want to talk to you" ummm damn! this is it. it's been real china. guess i'll be packing my shit and on the first plane back to the u.s.a. "i'm on my way". i choked out a pitiful goodbye to david and guillermo but they were convinced i would not be put out on my ass until the evening -so if i wanted to, i could always come back and eat dumplings. what the hell?! i'm bout to be on a real life version of locked up abroad and you mofos are talking about dumplings?! men. i snatch my money out of my wallet and got back on the train. transit in shanghai is the shit. seriously, aside from the overcrowding, their trains ZOOM. i mean no delays or dumbass "please watch the closing doors" auto messages. i love. when i got back to the hostel, there was this little lady with a police captain's uniform on. she looked at me and i looked at her. i tried my hardest to look extra innocent and non threatening. i mean, if anything, i was literally at her mercy. after what seemed like an eternity, the manager came to the front desk and says, "ok, i have good news" good news?! that is great, i hadn't heard any good news in 48hrs and now i was about to be saved. yes lord. "you can stay in our hostel until after the new year, but after the new year, you need to leave" YAAAAY! "thank you, thank you!" i went to give her a hug but she was quick and ducked away from my arms. i got played hard, but it didn't matter, i was ready to hit my dougie -but then she blurted out "you must go to the train station and purchase a ticket out of the city today. then show it to me. that way, i can tell the captain you are really leaving shanghai"  oh. that means i was going to have to do battle against all the travelers going home to see their great aunt Ling Ting. OMG. that is the last thing i wanted. but it beat being homeless and having to do my own version of beyonce's 'dance for you' on the corner to get someone to take me home with them for the night.

yup, it was bout to get this real.

i had to plot my plan of attack, i couldn't just go to the train station, and expect to get a ticket. this is the world war 3 of travelling and i'm an american and i don't speak chinese. i asked the manager to write down the directions and instructions for my ticket in chinese. see, i planned on travelling around china for at least another week and going back home to rizhao sounded lonely. i wanted to spend more time seeing what i could see see see and meeting new people. but, i had no other choice. the police captain looked at me and with perfect english said "you must get a ticket today. otherwise you can't stay here" ummm ok lady, i heard ya'll the first time. as much as i wanted to roll my eyes, i just asked how much tickets usually cost. she looked at me... rolled her eyes (the nerve) and then said "500 RMB" 500 RMB? THE HELL?! I had only paid 300 RMB to get to shanghai and now i have to pay more to leave...and leave early?! the devil is a liar. the look on my face must have told her that i smelled bullshit and she said "but, it may be less, get a early train" thanks. i feel so much better now -_-. it was already 2pm. very late to start getting train tickets in china...most people get to the station at freakin 7am. whomp. i went upstairs to my dorm room to get some money and my roommate was sitting on the bed clipping his toenails. YUCK. i opened my locker and prayed that his claws wouldn't land on my shirt or belongings while i tried to count out the 500 freaking RMB. i took 600 just to be sure. looking up from his toenail party, my roomie asked, "going to do a lot of shopping today huh?" excuse me homie- why are you looking at me while i count my money? i managed to get out as nice as possible, "nope, i am going to buy a ticket out of shanghai" he looked pleased and said. "oh, ok, well at least you are not getting deported, i mean, who gets deported TO the united states?" then he laughed. what the hell? did the whole hostel know that i was a featured guest on china's most wanted? i hadn't even told homie that i was having visa problems. damn gossipers. by that time it was almost 2:30pm and i still have to get to the train station so i mumbled a good bye and then raced to the station.

the honquiao railway station in shanghai is huge. i mean it is massive. i had no trouble finding the place. once i got off the escalator and walked toward the ticket window with my handy hand written note, i felt like maybe things could be looking up. i wait in line for about 5 minutes before i got to the window. "Ni hao" i said in my best chinese accent and then slipped the operator the note. he looked at it, rolled his eyes (what is up with ya'll doing that to me?!) and then said in broken english. "wrong window, you go over dere" he pointed to the left and i almost fainted. there was 20,00,000,000 billion mofos standing in 3 lines. i blinked and swallowed and then took my note over to the correct section. i stood behind this old lady and her grandson.... well i assume it was her grandson as she was probably 100 years old and having a 5 year old son was very unlikely. i wanted to slit my wrist. the line was long, people were shouting and pushing and a couple of fights broke out. not physical fights but a couple men shoved each other while waiting for their turn at the window. i saw some other unfortunate foreigners and we made brief "i'm so sorry for you" eye contact. all of a sudden another window opened and the place went animal kingdom wild. the little old lady and her grandson ran like usain bolt over to the new line and i was just standing in one spot trying not to get trampled. i felt like i was in the stampede scene out of 'the lion king', except there was no mufasa to come save my ass. i mean the women were WORSE than the men, pulling out money and shouting in chinese.

my thoughts exactly, simba

i waited until it calmed down a bit and then moved up to my place in line. the window was being serviced by this older looking guy with gray hair and glasses. i knew i should have gotten a drink at the bar before i left. who cares it's not 5pm yet. i was ready to just lay down. finally, after 300 years of standing in line. i got to the window. this time, i didn't bother with any chinese. fuck that. i was tired, thirsty, my feet hurt, and i had to pee. my life was in his old ass hands and i was praying he could get me a ticket out of shanghai. he took my note and started typing on his computer. he told me that there was 1 train i could take out of shanghai the day after new years. hell yes. then he told me the train would have 10 stops and may take 7 hrs to reach qingdao  lord, what have i done to piss off thee? 7 hours. i wanted to kick something, but i just nodded. handed over my money and took my ass back to the hostel.

one, is the loneliest number...

once i got back to the hostel i located the manager, showed her my ticket. victory was mine! i then called david and guillermo. we decided to stay in for the night since it was raining and snowy. we ordered drinks at the bar and watched 'rupaul's drag race' (love him). the next couple of days were filled with so much awesome. i can't write it all here because i don't want to turn this into shanghai & sh*t pt 50. i wanted to make the most out of my time left in this wonderful city and man... did i! the next day we went to the shanghai museum, took a walk along the bund, and saw some pretty awesome sites. i had a ball!
below are some of the photos of my adventures in shanghai, weitang, wuxi, qingdao, jiangsu and rizhao (i had to pass these cities before getting to my home destination) of rizhao:

G, David and I hanging in Shanghai

The "Urban Accessory Store" Um. No...

Rizhao's National Bull during Sunset

At the Pearl <3

Downtown Shanghai. The Architecture is SICK

Making Dumplings in the Hostel

Good Ole Chinese Toilet.. Who's First?

Lantern Festival 

Take Care of Your Belongs.. . English Translation FAIL

taking child care to a whole other level

my favorite lantern

P.S. happy saint patrick's day. hope your liver and designated driver are all good to you today! 

hairy scary

hey loves!

i am still working on Shanghai & Sh*t pt. 3 but until then, i thought i'd address something else very problematic in my china adventure: my hair. see i have A LOT of hair and it's not the 'wash and go' kind of hair but it doesn't sound like firecrackers every time i comb through it either. it is kinky and curly and long. it takes 3 trips across the atlantic ocean to do it and ain't nobody got time for that!  i would like to highlight that i have many other talents- i can cook (well). i can clean. i can do laundry. i am a great listener. i have wonky sense of humor and i love to help people but i can not do my own hair to save my life :-(

THIS is how i look fighting with the beast. her side eye is activated on 10

while in china, i notice i get a lot of stares everywhere i go. and i know that is to be expected. i am a foreigner in china. but i am not just a foreigner, i am a black foreigner. there is a huge absence of black, latino, multi-racial people in china. not just in the streets, but also in the media. billboards, magazines, and television commercials all incorporate caucasian models and actors. it is not uncommon to go into a mall in rizhao and see all white model advertisements. i have only seen a black model one time in china; he was in a reebok sports advertisement. needless to say that this lack of diversity, has lead to a lack of knowledge and understanding with chinese people when it comes to black people, black women, and especially, black hair. most of the citizens in rizhao have NEVER seen a black person. i am the first foreign teacher at my school and the curiosity about me and my hair is always a cause for discussion.

when i first arrived here, i had cornrow braids. this style allowed me to get up and go without standing in the mirror for 30 light years trying to get my hair to look like i didn't get electrocuted. my students would ask to touch my hair, they asked if i could braid their hair as well. the teachers would gasp and ask me questions like, "how to do wash it?" "how long does it take to do it?" and some of the statements they made would boarder on being rude "it looks so complicated" "no one in china can do your hair" and my personal favorite, "is has to be fake, that does not look like real hair" WHOMP. but, i did not get angry. they meant no personal disrespect and they have never seen anything like me in all of their lives. most of the time i laughed it off and told them that in america, many women- even non black women, wear their hair in braids. i shrugged off this nagging feeling of loneliness as no one i worked with could ever understand the mystery of black hair and the love/hate relationship many of us deal with regarding our manes.

as a little girl, i would dread having my hair washed and pressed. pressing hair, for those of you who do not know, or for those of you too young to remember what it is (get OFF this blog if that is the case. it is rated M for mature. go play with barbies or something) anyway- "pressing hair" is a term for using a comb (i am talking about an old fashioned hot comb. the one that goes the stove and smelled like burnt tar after it sizzled like hot bacon grease when it touches your hair) and heat to straighten the hair. it looks like this:

this is a TORTURE device

now, i know those of you who have had their hair pressed can relate to this and we can agree that the Lord turned his back on every little black girl the day the hot comb was invented. i say that because your hair would bounce and shine like a new penny afterwards. BUT, getting to the promise land is what caused the most anxiety- the comb is HOT and you feel the steam burning your face before it even touches you. you have to close your eyes and stay completely still while the witch doctor aka your mother pulls the comb through your hair and lays it to the side. it. is. horrible. the smell of burnt hair and grease makes the air in the kitchen (where this usually takes place) unbreathable and you feel like you wanna steal away to Jesus when it is time to hold your head down and let them get to the back of your neck. so, as a little girl with a head full of hair, i would dread getting this done because it took forever. my mom and i would fight like tyson and holyfield every saturday afternoon. she would be standing over me with the instrument of death and i'd be looking back at her like "how could you do this to me?!" it was world war 3,4,5, and 6 in our humble abode.

as i got older, my relationship with my hair went from "i hate you" into casual annoyance because i had been introduced to the creamy crack aka the relaxer. i relaxed my hair with a huge smile on my face. some women complain of the smell and a burning scalp, but i sat in that salon seat like a champ. i watched as my hair went from afro to silky straight and GASP- it could pass through a regular comb! i did not care that the chemicals being used to straighten my hair were horrible, or that the effects of it could result in hair loss. i just wanted to be able to whip my hair back n forth. it was during my junior year in high school that i noticed how short my hair was getting and how dry and flaky my scalp was. i would pour oil into it but nothing seemed to help it. i did not want to keep up with the trends anymore and i decided at 16 years old to go natural. i did not do the dramatic big chop most women do when they decide to go natural. i was too much of a punk and i didn't want to lose whatever length i still had, so i braided it up for 4 years. i wore cornrows and micros and twist. i didn't wear a weave until i got out of college. once i finished school, i knew i needed to create a more grown up look for myself and i wanted to experiment with different styles and colors. weaves allowed me to do just that. i love them for that reason and had worn them for years after college. my natural hair was never worn alone and out unless it was straighten with a flat iron or blow dryer.

when i decided to go to china- i made the decision to wear braids at first and then wear my natural hair O.U.T. that was a big decision for me because, like i stated in the beginning paragraph- i have a lot of hair. and i am unable to do it well on my own. but now, i have to. i have to do battle with it. and i know that being in china with natural hair will cause even more stares. i am not sure if i am ready for that. i don't want to be oogled and pointed at. i don't want to cause a 5 car pile up while crossing the street because my fro is the biggest thing ever. at least with my cornrows i could put a hat on and no one would be the wiser. the style wasn't so in your face. wearing my hair al naturale means that i will have to confront the insecurities i still have within myself and learn to love my hair. i want to get to the point where i can be happy with what i see in the mirror....it's gonna take a lot of patience. a lot of youtube tutorials and a lot of baijiu (i kid. i'd never drink it again. ever) wish me luck.

wild child 

Shanghai & Sh*t pt 2

hello there beautiful :-) did ya'll miss me?!

i can't even tell you the journey i have had in this land called china. whew. ok, where should i start? mmmm i think it would be best to do a countdown....perhaps it will curb my proclivity for profanity. my mother read my blog and said that i am: 

and she would be correct. because cursing helps me not to actually act on the violent rages that pulsate throughout my body as i write this story, in particularly, this post. i am smart, very outgoing and i usually don't sound like a drunk sailor unless i am pissed off. and i admit, these last few post that i have written, i have been very pissed off. so much so, i am starting to think r. kelly sponsored my trip to come here (s/o to those of you who GET that analogy) but as i said in my "about me" section, this is my truth, my blog, and my feelings. i am not sugar coating anything and asterisk aren't as sexy as the real 4 letter word that describes my day. any who i digress, i have tried to write this blog post 3 times. if this was an actual test- i would have failed like yesterday, but because it was cathartic for me to write, i pressed forward to tell you this story and i will try to do it with 5 curses or less (see mommy i CAN behave). this post is long so i hope you have time. i was gonna give ya'll the short version but i'm too much a open book for all that. plus, maybe some other poor travelling soul will see this and learn something. perhaps they can be spared the embarrassment i went through. 

1. trip to qingdao- so, i don't know if i mentioned this but my city, Rizhao, is a slow-mo cowpoke town with a population of 2 million people. their idea of a western center piece is: 4 kfc's, 1 mcdonald's and the glorious bar i went to on new years eve called hudson's. that. is. it. as of today, there are 17...well now 16 people of european, spanish, or in my case- colored, origin here in Rizhao- the rest of the population is chinese.. there are no starbucks, no 7elevens  or even a lot of stores that take Visa...because while their slogan was, "it's everywhere you want to be", it is not HERE homie. in order to keep my sanity (or what's left of it) i must go to bigger, more sleek and populated cities to decompress and eat fat shit like 2 big mac's and 3 medium sized fries and a coke while reading stuff on facebook and updating my instagram. so that is why i decided to come to qingdao for a couple of days and fly to shanghai from there. and it was a great trip. my site coordinator and i went to get manicures and set off firecrackers on the beach at night while dancing to the music in our heads. you have to love the fact it is chinese new year and we didn't have to work for the next month. yaaayyyy!

buying firecrackers and setting them off on the beach!

2. taxi ride to airport- ok, i am a NEW YORKER a die-hard, brooklyn/queens/bronx raised woman who has no problem taking public transportation. why spend 3x as much money on a cab, when you can hop your ass on the train or bus and still have money left over for fun stuff like coffee or chocolate or whatever else makes you happy? but, because i can't read chinese and taking the bus requires you to know where you are going- drat! i don't speak chinese- double drat! and i was super lazy when i woke up the morning of my flight- i took a cab to the airport. whomp. first of all, the driver was driving like he had epilepsy- dodging in and out of traffic and stopping abruptly like every 30 feet. chinese drivers are the worst drivers. they make new york city taxi cab drivers look like morgan freeman in 'driving ms. daisy' these niggas have NO concept of stopping at red lights, yielding to pedestrians, or using the brakes. i mean, i knew this from the first time i took a taxi in Rizhao and almost went to see Jesus early when my driver cut across 3 lanes of traffic going in the opposite direction because he missed an exit 0_0. anywho, i paid him 70RMB 70 freaking RMB for that death tease and went on to carry myself to Shanghai....

the view from the plane. GORGEOUS

3. arrival in shanghai and the horror that followed- after getting through security and finding my boarding gate i proceeded to look around the airport and see if i could grab something to eat. i hate eating before a big trip because i am a worrywart and my stomach starts to get jiggy with it every time i have to travel to an unknown destination. i like to wait until i'm settled before i eat. i find this little cafe by a newsstand and i look at the menu only to see that they want 58RMB for a cup of coffee..... ummm yea- i decided just to take my free snack on the airplane and wait until i got to the into the Shanghai. my flight was easy as pie and i knew then i should have gotten suspicious because everything was going according to plan. this is real life...when stuff goes according to plan you need to worry (or maybe only i need to worry) i landed in shanghai's hongqiao airport at exactly 11:14 am- 1 whole minute earlier than expected! i collected my bags and ran to the train station. i, in my infinite wisdom, decided to stay in hostels during my vacation to save money during my journey. yes, a hostel...not a hotel or a bed and breakfast but a hostel. i spent 5 days googling (is this a real word? oh well it is now) tips on how to live in a hostel and then i read every single review of my chosen places before i gave them my credit card number and hit enter. thank baby Jesus i did not pre-book all of my future destinations, just shanghai, which is the one bright spot in this dimly lit future of mine...

once i arrive, i see that from the outside/lobby area the hostel doesn't look too bad. the walls were painted a nice orange color and they had heat. heating in the south of china is very tricky because the chinese government and building owners only supply central heating to provinces above the yellow river and Shanghai is located just below that boarder. in southern china, most places install air conditioners that put out cold or hot air depending on the season but, it is very difficult to heat a large space with just an air conditioner and i hate being cold. i give my passport and booking number to the receptionist behind the counter and wait for her to give me my room number and key- but then she says to me "where is the other page?" i respond, "other page to what?" and then she dropped a bomb on me by saying, "in your passport, their is suppose to be another page to your visa, right now, your current visa was only valid for 30 days... it is very expired" i adjusted my suitcase and blinked like 100 times before saying "ok...well, what does that mean?" she takes a deep breath and looks at me like i belong in the slow class and yells, "you are in china ILLEGALLY...you can not stay here" what?!!! excuse me ma'am?????!

this was me :-(

the receptionist looked at me and said. "yes, it is up to the police's discretion (well she didn't really say discretion because her english was not that good so i'm ad-libbing) whether or not you can stay in the hostel. you need to go to the public service bureau and register for a new visa. and you will have to pay a fine...up to 5,000RMB" i was so surprised and in a complete state of "oh my god" that i didn't even notice that my hand had grabbed my cellphone and dialed my coordinator's phone number. the greatest challenge of this entire situation is the fact that it falls right between the biggest chinese holiday. over 200 million people are going to see their families and love ones for the new year. it has been my experience in new york, that chinese people will deliver your takeout order in the middle of hurricane katrina, irene, AND sandy. these mofos know how to hustle. they are about a dollar! your shrimp egg foo young is gonna get delivered to you come hell or high water. the chinese owned stores will be the only stores open on every american holiday BUT, during their holidays: EVERYTHING SHUTS DOWN. the police go home. the priest go home. the monks go home. the hospital staff is only on call (although i think they keep their phones off. whomp). the restaurants close down. the mail doesn't get delivered and souls don't get saved. when chinese people take a break: it. is. a. break. not one thing can or will get done until after the holiday is over. the only thing popping off is the drinking of baijiu. baijiu is what i affectionately call "the white death". it is so strong and so toxic that i can't even stand the smell. the first time i got tricked into drinking that mess, it was my second week here and i spent 3 days praying for a death that it never came- because i was too busy having the runs and vomiting. NEVER drink it. anyway, i was in a bind and there was no one really available to help me. i had the sads. 

i finally went up to my room...it was on the 4th floor. and there was no elevator. come on...i had a carry on bag and the bag i carry Jose in but after battling the threat of being kicked out by the police, i did not feel like carrying anything up 4 flights of stairs. thankfully, there was this very nice man from argentina who carried my stuff to my floor. i put my card in the slot and went inside. i think it is fair to warn ya'll that i am frugal (read: cheap) and the cost of staying in a four person room was half the amount of staying in a single room. now, considering the fact that i may not even be able to smell the single room air long enough to enjoy it, i am super glad i chose to have a few roommates and save some money. the place was average. the room was no bigger than a standard dorm room and there were bunk beds. i had requested a lower bunk because i'm lazy and i don't wanna have to climb down a ladder to go pee, or get into my locker, or do anything for that matter. however, upon closer inspection of my bunk, i realized that someone had given me the proverbial middle finger and had taken the last bottom bunk. i would have to sleep up top. strike 2. i mumbled a string of 4 letter words and then i threw my stuff down and tried to unpack. one of my roommates was sleeping. i did not give a shit. i opened my locker and began to pack things in there like mad. huffing and puffing and calling on inner strength to make it through the rest of my day. it was 1:30 in the afternoon, only 3 hours had passed since i landed but i felt like it was midnight. once i had stored my stuff i went to go take a shower. now here is the thing- public bathrooms are usually gross. they usually have all kinds of horrors lurking around and the LAST thing i needed was to turn on the faucet and a bug or loose hair or anything come crawling out of it. i would have flipped my shit. but fate was not so cruel and i took a long hot shower. i then climbed up the ladder and fell into a deep sleep for like 3 hours. 

although it looked like i was gonna be homeless in china, the other shoe had not officially dropped. yet. i was determined to put on a good face for the remaining time i had left to salvage this day. so i did what any self respecting person would do in a new place: i found the bar. it was downstairs on the first floor of the hostel. i ordered the strongest drink i could and then grabbed Jose and surfed the internet because the WiFi in the lobby worked wonders. as i was drowning my sorrows, i heard a very distinct sounds coming from about 2 tables away... it was ENGLISH. americans?! where? i looked up and spotted a black guy and a tall white guy sitting together talking about god knows what. i HAD to talk to someone who understood me so i sat back and plotted my mode of attack, lol. i mean i couldn't just go up to them and say, "hi my name is darcy, i like long walks on the beach and i'm an illegal alien here in china" that would not go over well. i waited until the black dude went to get a drink at the bar and i ran up to the counter. i pretended to look at a menu and sighed out loud, "ummm, idk what to get" he looked over and said "where are you from?!" i said "brooklyn" he was from chicago and his name was david. soon after we started talking, the tall white guy he was with came over and we all got to know one another. the tall dude was from Venezuela (spicy) and his name is guillermo *pats self on back for spelling it correctly the first time* it was a match made in rainbow heaven. we did have an AMAZING time in Shanghai- more on that later. i want to tell you guys all about my new besties but because i respect people's privacy, i will not tell everything. 

while david, guillermo and i were acting a fool at the bar, i mentioned to them my situation. david had the bright idea of calling the american consulate GENIUS. why didn't i think of that?! i mean i am an american citizen. i do have an emergency. they are open because they operate on the american calendar. duh. i pick up my cell and dialed the number...after hearing the annoying automated prompts i finally got to a live human being. i told the lady i had a friend who had fallen into this dilemma and asked what could they do to help her. *cue other shoe dropping* the heffa then responded "oh, well in these situations we would just send you back" i nodded "ok, back to qingdao so I er... I mean my friend can get this straightened out?" after what seemed like an eternity she said, "no, we would send them back to the united states. we have to. if the chinese police catch you without a valid visa they could put you in jail" WHAT THE HELL??!!! see, up until that point- i did not realize the severity of the situation i was in. i'm thinking ok. a expired visa, that's a slap on the wrist. my school will pay the fine and i'll be on my way. but now, not only am i working illegally in their country...but i would GET DEPORTED if i went to the american consulate and might go to jail if the police caught me with my expired visa. i hit the floor. send me back to america?! after only 3 months?? and i'll have to show up at my house with escorts (the embassy makes sure your ass ends up at your primary place of residence) the operator then proceeded to ask me for my passport number. hell no. dial tone. 

say it again Sweet Brown!

after seeing the horror on my face my new bff's brought me another drink (love ya'll) and i called both my coordinators and began to give them hell.  i don't care about this being the only time of the year you see your great aunt Ling Ting, HELP ME! what should have happened once i arrived in china- was for me to be taken to the local police station and registered. my company was suppose to make the chinese government aware of my foreign presence. then, after passing a physical i would then be issued my permanent work visa. a visa that would be valid for 1 year. whomp. i slept horrible that night. i had visions of the police kicking open my room door, grabbing me out of bed and sending me to the airport and putting me on the first plane to america. well no, lol, i didn't have nightmares *courtesy of my boo rum* but i did not sleep well. 

the next morning i see the manager of the hostel and she comes over to talk to me. i knew i had to pull out my best actress spirit double (i channel my shero kerry washington in scandal, i love her!) and i begin to tell the manager 1. i did not have another place to stay in shanghai. 2. how all of the planes, buses and trains are booked solid for chinese new year so i can't get back to qingdao. 3. if i were to get back to qingdao, my school is closed and no one is there there to let me in my apartment building or help me. 4. i really don't have the financial means to pay for a hotel 5. getting a hotel is impossible because my visa is expired. i could see her looking at me with the pity eyes but i still didn't feel like she got what it was that i was saying, so... i began to cry. YUP. i cried like celie and nettie did in 'the color purple' when mean ass mr. tried to separate them. i let the snot and boogers run down my face and then i gave the quivering lip. i let out a pentecostal/baptist wail (that is the a cry that takes all of your lung power and it is a sure fire way for someone to know you are in trouble) for those of you who are not familiar with this you have never been in real trouble. the poor woman was speaking in chinese and then she was speaking in english. at one point i thought she was going to hold me but she settled for just patting me on my back. she told me she would see what she could do to make sure i could stay in the hostel at least until after the chinese new year... (stay tuned for Shanghai & Sh*t pt. 3) 

yup. i cried like THIS

Shanghai & S**t pt. 1

I have arrived in Shanghai this today. It has been a DAY and a half. I don't know where to start. Everything STARTED out great. STARTED.... I promise to update after I knock back these beverages and fix Jose (my laptop) until then, I thought I'd post a photo:

Guess what she is EATING???? Octopus on a stick. Yup. a WHOLE octopus on a stick. They sell them here for like 3 US dollars. For less than a $5 footlong you too can enjoy a whole octopus on stick. In the street. Sounds delicious. Even with that 8 legged creature on her stick, I bet she had a better day than I... or let me rephrase. 8AM-12pm was great... I didn't even care it was raining here in Shanghai...but you know life happens. stay tuned.

Oh! and please follow me on Instagram. DarcyDevareux (i post pics of the interesting things I see in the land of a thousand difficulties)

nothing but the Mao's baby!

ok folks.. quick update, as i am sure some of you may have thought i had committed the mass murder i intended from my last post but all of the world can rest easy- i got my money.
*praise baby jehovah*
now, on to planning a awesome trip around china in less than 48hrs. my flight to shanghai is booked...but where i am going to stay. packing. and all other responsible things like that are TBD. how the hell imma pull this off remains to be seen but the motto me and my best friends (who are MUCH better than yours btw) subscribe to has been: make it work for the past 20+ years of our lives. when life give you lemons- sell them to someone else for train fare and a meal. i am going to be using the gods of google to help me figure out the where, what and how of the next 20 days. and to think, i came to china to STOP stressing. ha.

this is how i feel right now

I AM GOING NUTS. Seriously, did everyone in this city have a Town Hall meeting about my ass and I just didn't get the invite? Did I fart in a really crowded elevator and everyone knows but me? Did I sleep with the president's wife by accident after one of my drunken binges? Did I wear white after Labor Day? Someone PLEASE tell me what I did to deserve the massive ass kicking I am getting now. I'll pay you! I'll pay you on... Oh wait... that is right-I CAN'T PAY YOU BECAUSE THEY HAVEN'T PAID ME YET. and I still have not booked my trip around China
They did however, bring me 2 big ass boxes of apples for "Chinese New Year" WHAT THE FUCK CAN I DO WITH APPLES?! 2 boxes of Apple iPhones..I can deal with but some dingy ass red apples?!...I gave them a look so horrid they left the door open on their way out.
I am going to end up on CNN for a massive killing spree if something doesn't change soon. (for those of you who are sensitive about that comment- press the little X on the top right hand side of the screen) I realize the above statement is harsh, but this is my blog, my outlet, my Oprah, Dr. Phil and Jenny Jones and I say what I feel. I am not the president of the "feelings" club. Normally, I am a sweetheart but the combination of bullshit, and hormones from my monthly menstrual friend I call "the demon from the 7th level of Hell" has me feeling a rage that can only be described as... well fuck IDK but I do know that something has got to happen before I end up on the news!

Tonight is rough. Tomorrow should be better. I am going to follow the instructions to my left and bang my head against a wall until I pass out. (and eat some apples) Good night.

it's my anniversary!

today is my 2 month anniversary in China... a emotional day for me and i'm not going to write a lot because i still have MAJOR trip planning to do (see the post below) but i still want to give thanks for being able to take this once in a lifetime opportunity and go to a place i never thought i could.

sometimes you have to push yourself out of your comfort zone to see what you are really made of. i am very far out of my zone but i have faith that when this is over, life will be much more than what it was before. when i was at my previous job (which shall never be named) i let things happen to me...now, i am making things happen.

thanks for all the love, prayers n support to those who actually read this blog! and for those who just stopped by once or twice.. thank you too (every page view counts)