Sunday, March 17, 2013

Shanghai & Sh*t pt 3

hello :-)
nice to see everyone's back here to come and read about my travel struggle extraordinaire.
where was i? oh yea... i was all like:
after i was told i could be homeless in china and then, deported if the police caught me with my expired visa. it was a dream vacation from the 7th level of hell and i was really tore up about the idea of going back home early with police escorts and a prison issued orange jumpsuit (orange is not my color). so, i reached out to the only person who could help me: the manager of the hostel. after i cried on that lady for a good 5 minutes she promised to see what she could do to help me. i was left sitting at the table with red eyes and a runny nose that drew a lot of attention to me. i didn't care- ya'll will deal! i don't care that your sunny side up eggs and toast are getting cold because you rather watch me grovel instead of eat.

not wanting to sit there and be the breakfast show entertainment, i went back upstairs and showered. david and guillermo wanted to go check out some dumpling spots in shanghai and i wanted to get the hell away from the hostel so we got dressed and went downtown. all was going well until i felt my phone to ring. it was the hostel. i sighed and answered, "hello?" the manager said "hello, we need you to come back here, the police are here, they want to talk to you" ummm damn! this is it. it's been real china. guess i'll be packing my shit and on the first plane back to the u.s.a. "i'm on my way". i choked out a pitiful goodbye to david and guillermo but they were convinced i would not be put out on my ass until the evening -so if i wanted to, i could always come back and eat dumplings. what the hell?! i'm bout to be on a real life version of locked up abroad and you mofos are talking about dumplings?! men. i snatch my money out of my wallet and got back on the train. transit in shanghai is the shit. seriously, aside from the overcrowding, their trains ZOOM. i mean no delays or dumbass "please watch the closing doors" auto messages. i love. when i got back to the hostel, there was this little lady with a police captain's uniform on. she looked at me and i looked at her. i tried my hardest to look extra innocent and non threatening. i mean, if anything, i was literally at her mercy. after what seemed like an eternity, the manager came to the front desk and says, "ok, i have good news" good news?! that is great, i hadn't heard any good news in 48hrs and now i was about to be saved. yes lord. "you can stay in our hostel until after the new year, but after the new year, you need to leave" YAAAAY! "thank you, thank you!" i went to give her a hug but she was quick and ducked away from my arms. i got played hard, but it didn't matter, i was ready to hit my dougie -but then she blurted out "you must go to the train station and purchase a ticket out of the city today. then show it to me. that way, i can tell the captain you are really leaving shanghai"  oh. that means i was going to have to do battle against all the travelers going home to see their great aunt Ling Ting. OMG. that is the last thing i wanted. but it beat being homeless and having to do my own version of beyonce's 'dance for you' on the corner to get someone to take me home with them for the night.

yup, it was bout to get this real.

i had to plot my plan of attack, i couldn't just go to the train station, and expect to get a ticket. this is the world war 3 of travelling and i'm an american and i don't speak chinese. i asked the manager to write down the directions and instructions for my ticket in chinese. see, i planned on travelling around china for at least another week and going back home to rizhao sounded lonely. i wanted to spend more time seeing what i could see see see and meeting new people. but, i had no other choice. the police captain looked at me and with perfect english said "you must get a ticket today. otherwise you can't stay here" ummm ok lady, i heard ya'll the first time. as much as i wanted to roll my eyes, i just asked how much tickets usually cost. she looked at me... rolled her eyes (the nerve) and then said "500 RMB" 500 RMB? THE HELL?! I had only paid 300 RMB to get to shanghai and now i have to pay more to leave...and leave early?! the devil is a liar. the look on my face must have told her that i smelled bullshit and she said "but, it may be less, get a early train" thanks. i feel so much better now -_-. it was already 2pm. very late to start getting train tickets in china...most people get to the station at freakin 7am. whomp. i went upstairs to my dorm room to get some money and my roommate was sitting on the bed clipping his toenails. YUCK. i opened my locker and prayed that his claws wouldn't land on my shirt or belongings while i tried to count out the 500 freaking RMB. i took 600 just to be sure. looking up from his toenail party, my roomie asked, "going to do a lot of shopping today huh?" excuse me homie- why are you looking at me while i count my money? i managed to get out as nice as possible, "nope, i am going to buy a ticket out of shanghai" he looked pleased and said. "oh, ok, well at least you are not getting deported, i mean, who gets deported TO the united states?" then he laughed. what the hell? did the whole hostel know that i was a featured guest on china's most wanted? i hadn't even told homie that i was having visa problems. damn gossipers. by that time it was almost 2:30pm and i still have to get to the train station so i mumbled a good bye and then raced to the station.

the honquiao railway station in shanghai is huge. i mean it is massive. i had no trouble finding the place. once i got off the escalator and walked toward the ticket window with my handy hand written note, i felt like maybe things could be looking up. i wait in line for about 5 minutes before i got to the window. "Ni hao" i said in my best chinese accent and then slipped the operator the note. he looked at it, rolled his eyes (what is up with ya'll doing that to me?!) and then said in broken english. "wrong window, you go over dere" he pointed to the left and i almost fainted. there was 20,00,000,000 billion mofos standing in 3 lines. i blinked and swallowed and then took my note over to the correct section. i stood behind this old lady and her grandson.... well i assume it was her grandson as she was probably 100 years old and having a 5 year old son was very unlikely. i wanted to slit my wrist. the line was long, people were shouting and pushing and a couple of fights broke out. not physical fights but a couple men shoved each other while waiting for their turn at the window. i saw some other unfortunate foreigners and we made brief "i'm so sorry for you" eye contact. all of a sudden another window opened and the place went animal kingdom wild. the little old lady and her grandson ran like usain bolt over to the new line and i was just standing in one spot trying not to get trampled. i felt like i was in the stampede scene out of 'the lion king', except there was no mufasa to come save my ass. i mean the women were WORSE than the men, pulling out money and shouting in chinese.

my thoughts exactly, simba
i waited until it calmed down a bit and then moved up to my place in line. the window was being serviced by this older looking guy with gray hair and glasses. i knew i should have gotten a drink at the bar before i left. who cares it's not 5pm yet. i was ready to just lay down. finally, after 300 years of standing in line. i got to the window. this time, i didn't bother with any chinese. fuck that. i was tired, thirsty, my feet hurt, and i had to pee. my life was in his old ass hands and i was praying he could get me a ticket out of shanghai. he took my note and started typing on his computer. he told me that there was 1 train i could take out of shanghai the day after new years. hell yes. then he told me the train would have 10 stops and may take 7 hrs to reach qingdao  lord, what have i done to piss off thee? 7 hours. i wanted to kick something, but i just nodded. handed over my money and took my ass back to the hostel.
one, is the loneliest number...
once i got back to the hostel i located the manager, showed her my ticket. victory was mine! i then called david and guillermo. we decided to stay in for the night since it was raining and snowy. we ordered drinks at the bar and watched 'rupaul's drag race' (love him). the next couple of days were filled with so much awesome. i can't write it all here because i don't want to turn this into shanghai & sh*t pt 50. i wanted to make the most out of my time left in this wonderful city and man... did i! the next day we went to the shanghai museum, took a walk along the bund, and saw some pretty awesome sites. i had a ball!
below are some of the photos of my adventures in shanghai, weitang, wuxi, qingdao, jiangsu and rizhao (i had to pass these cities before getting to my home destination) of rizhao:
G, David and I hanging in Shanghai
The "Urban Accessory Store" Um. No...

Rizhao's National Bull during Sunset
At the Pearl <3

Downtown Shanghai. The Architecture is SICK

Making Dumplings in the Hostel

Good Ole Chinese Toilet.. Who's First?
Lantern Festival 

Take Care of Your Belongs.. . English Translation FAIL

taking child care to a whole other level

my favorite lantern
P.S. happy saint patrick's day. hope your liver and designated driver are all good to you today! 


  1. Love this post! Glad you didn't get deported.

  2. Definitely had to read the sign 3 times to figure out what was wrong with the translation, smh.

  3. I think I like chocolate


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