Friday, March 29, 2013

gossip, gossip, shut up, just stop it!

hey ya'll! 

i find myself posting at the weirdest hours in the morning. it's been months, yet my body still thinks it's on america time. it's not unusual for me to be up until 5-6am (true story, insomnia is a horrid whore) anyway, while i am up, i watch netflix, youtube, get on facebook and twitter plus an endless amount of blogs/websites. some of the stories i see online are HILARIOUS. laugh out loud for real funny. and i do! i laugh so loud that i probably wake up my neighbor next door and the people above me. i don't mean to, honestly. i am not that loud ass obnoxious neighbor who comes in at 3am and bangs on the wall because it's a good idea. i don't decide to run my loud ass washing machine at midnight, or play my music at concert level sound. but... i do laugh. laughter is what keeps life from getting boring and letting your problems get a hold of you. laughing makes the future seem brighter. i love to laugh and it's not a crime- except that my neighbors now think that i have "ill-advised" visitors in my apartment every night of the week. at least... that is the word on the street. or, in my case, the word around the school yard.

i was both shocked and amused by this new found information. that i, a foreigner, a foreigner who speaks no chinese, a foreigner who once told her taxi driver to "take off your clothes" instead of  "take me to the mall", would have tons of guest in her apartment. my major question to that is: HOW?! like 2 weeks ago i couldn't phone a friend or find one person to smile at me but now: i have "tons" of people in my apartment. ummm. no. first of all- that is logistically impossible- my apartment is the size of a bedroom with no real sitting space and a makeshift kitchen/study area thingy. 3 people in this motherfucker would be a cause to call the fire department for capacity overload. so NO... I don't have tons of people in my apartment. don't get me wrong: i do wish i was so popular that chinese natives and western expats alike would flock to my apartment to hear me tell jokes and see how much coffee and chocolate i consume in a day. but the reality is that the only people who have been inside this place is me, my imagination, and the plumber (even he only stayed 5 minutes) so you see... the notion that i'm throwing 'project x' type gatherings is a big overstatement. 

my coordinator voiced concern over it and i replied honestly. i told him that i can't sleep and thus watch a bunch of nonsense until i can. that nonsense makes me laugh and that is what is making the noise. in a hurry to get out of my closet  apartment, he nodded his head and told me that any visitors had to be signed in. le sigh. i guess i'll have to register my netflix account at the front desk.

the next bit of information i learned about myself, came from a student. the rumor is that i am 24 and single (well i already knew that) but in china, being this age and single makes you an "old maid". in a chinese women's eyes- i might as well start collecting cats and wear sweaters 10 sizes too big for me because my lady lumps and curves have no more value or appeal. the student told me that the teachers believe i have come to china to "get a big business man's son" she said that because this school has A LOT of rich students and i may be looking to get one to date and eventually marry. MIND-BLOWN excuse me?! huh? you are telling me that i flew my ass to china so to teach IN A HIGH SCHOOL so i could find me a young underage boy to take back to the states with me because his parents are rich? here lays Darcy *casket pose* anyone that knows me.... knows that that is the further-est most biggest most unbelievable lie on the face of this planet. honey if chasing money was important to me, i would still be on my slave ship working for massa and juggling bowling balls to get a raise around christmas time. money ain't the motive for me being here. the student who told me this at like 8 in the morning, sat stone faced the entire time while i laughed so hard i almost peed myself and had to take deep ass breathes to keep from snorting. every time i tried to answer her, i ended up laughing again. that rumor was pulled out from the crack of someone's ass. i mean.. really? no, ya'll need more people. apparently all of the visitors i have in my apartment at 3am don't like me enough to date me... or they are old ass cat ladies like myself who enjoy knitting by the fire and sipping tea for fun. i told the girl that i am saving myself for someone special. she looked at me and smiled. 
10 bucks says that she tells the student sitting next to her what i said (or some version thereof) before i even get the chance to upload the power point i had planned for today's lesson- gossip in china travels faster than precious running away with that bucket of kfc 

i usually don't like doing the whole "trendy picture post" thing because following trends are for people who have no mind of their own. or for people are too lazy to think for themselves. however, this picture is in solidarity for those of us who believe in marriage equality.

here's to change and most of all to LOVE


  1. That is HI-LA-RI-OUS! People really think you're there for a man?? What a joke. Definitely got some good laughs, thanks for sharing pookey!

    1. i know right! of all the things in the world, lol. you make my day with your comments :-)

  2. I know I'm like stupid late but......LMMFAO!!!!!! WHAT?????? Lmaoo I have no words!! oh my how absolutely incorrect they are!!!!! Lol

  3. You sure know how to create a picture. Blogging more often would have my attention.....And then some.


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