Tuesday, April 2, 2013

the tale of the frozen wonton


i hope you are warmer than i am right now. in fact, unless you are living in siberia or antarctica, i know you are. that is because the heat to my apartment has been cut off for "spring". i am now sitting in my room with 1 wife beater, 2 long sleeve shirts, long johns and a hoodie. IN THE HOUSE. it has to be about 40-50 degrees outside (i don't know the damn celsius conversion) and building management has decided that it is spring time...so no heat. i get it, heat cost money. in fact, before i came to china, i had the pleasure of paying a heating bill so high i would forget, and think i paid the rent. but no- gas, coal, oil, unicorn fumes- they all are expensive and whatever is heating this building is probably costing my school it's weight in gold to pay. especially since they acquired my ass because i keep that shit blasting. I HATE BEING COLD. no. i do. i really get angry- like fighting mad when it is so cold in my house that i can see my own breath 0_0. china is frugal and my pockets understand the logic, but my frost bitten toes do not.
this is me in a few hours.
see, what they fail to realize is what is easy on them financially is very difficult for me to agree with personally. i believe that just because it is april, does not mean it is spring. if you still have to wear a hat outside- it is winter and the heat should stay on. now my ass is thinking of ingenious ways to heat my apartment before i turn into a life size chocolate igloo. i asked my coordinator for a space heater in the mean time because i do not- i repeat do. not. like being cold. he said he would get back to me tomorrow. in chinese terms that means ( i will not guarantee that your request will be granted, but if it is, it is because you will need to remind me again tomorrow) see- i may not speak chinese, but i do speak bullshit and that is what i call on this here foolishness.

i suppose i can go out and buy one myself, but if i get it from the school i can be sure that it will work. china has no "product label guarantee  on anything you buy. if you are unlucky to get a dud of a space heater- well then you are just a cold unlucky foreigner with less money in your pocket and i refuse to spend a nickel on something that won't function in desperate situations like these. thank the lord i have tons of coffee and hot water to drink. which is terrible because coffee will keep me awake and the last thing i want to do is be awake for this. oy vey! at this point, i am ready to put an ad out in the personals for a cuddle buddy- JUST a cuddle buddy, so if you know any fat ladies in china, friendly pets in china, or a huge ass stuffed animal i can buy in china- point them in my direction!


1 comment:

  1. Lmao, gurl you are a hott hott mess! Life-sized chocolate igloo?? I've heard it all. I do hope the weather improves soon or at least that you find some warmth without a fat Chinese lady or pet, lol. When does it usually start to get warmer there?


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